Lightning Counter
by icebluehost
Summary: Luffy, Usopp and Chopper are trying to see who's the biggest idiot in their crew. How do they do that? You'll see...WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SKYPIEA ARC. You have been warned. Rated T for cursing and death threats courtesy of Sanji and Zoro.


The Strawhat Pirates were on the Going Merry, waiting as they slowly descended from Sky Island. Everyone was doing whatever they felt like doing. Things were moving along as usual in the ship, though even Luffy was less noisy than usual. It was understandable since everyone was recovering from the battle in Upper Yard and with Enel. Chopper was out on the deck, preparing medicines and antidotes while Luffy and Usopp hovered around him.

"Oh no! I've used up a lot of our medical supplies!" Chopper cried worriedly.

"Huh? Didn't you get a lot of ingredients when we were at the forest?" Usopp asked.

"Yeah but I used it all up when I was treating everyone after that big fight. I couldn't believe how many people were injured in that battle. Everyone was hurt in some way."

"Yeah now that you mention it...yeah! Everyone got hurt but I had the worst of it! I had to face God himself!" Usopp said with a proud grin.

"Really?" Chopper cried.

"Uh huh! He easily beat Sanji to the ground you know! I tried to get to Sanji but it was too late. I vowed to get revenge and faced Enel head on. He turned his attention to me because he knew if he defeated the strongest one, he wouldn't have any problems with the rest. He was large and had this scary trident with him! He tried to strike me but I slapped it away and fought back! Hiya! But he got angry, and he decided to throw his greatest attack on me so he could get rid of me once and for all! He pointed a finger at me and said 'see if you can handle that!'. He shot lightning from his finger and I got electrocuted. Oooohh it hurt so bad! But I endured it because I knew that Nami and Sanji were counting on me to protect them."

"Wow Usopp! You're amazing!" Luffy pouted as he crossed his arms.

"But Usopp, I fought against Enel too!"

"You don't count! You're rubber so no matter how many times Enel shot lightning at you, you wouldn't be affected."

"No fair! I bet it didn't hurt that much at all!"

"What the hell are you talking about? Of course it hurts! It's like feeling needles poke every single inch of your body! You have no idea how scary Enel was!"

"So you only got hit once huh?" Luffy asked.

"Yeah."

"Sanji mentioned that he got hit twice. Isn't that right Chopper?" The blue nosed reindeer blinked at Luffy and nodded.

"Yeah he did."

"What are you trying to say Luffy?"

"Well since he endured it twice then he's stronger than you are!" Usopp blanched. He tried to redeem himself and grinned as he thought of an idea.

"Well he got hit twice because he's an idiot! I mean who's dumb enough to fall for the same trick twice right?" Luffy stared at Usopp in confusion.

"Uh..."

"I say that those who got hit once and lived to tell the tale are brave and incredibly strong! Those who got hit more than once are idiots and those who didn't get hit are weak and cowards!" Chopper's eyes teared up as he looked at Usopp in disappointment.

"B-b-but I didn't get hit..."

"Oh that's because you didn't get to face Enel. You don't count."

"Oh. That's good." The reindeer said with a sigh of relief. Luffy had a bright idea as he smacked his fist on his other palm.

"I know! Let's see how many times everyone got hit by the lightning! Then we can see who we should call idiots!"

"Oh sounds interesting! All right! Let's go!"

A few hours later the group huddled in the kitchen, giggling and writing something on a piece of paper. Sanji was cooking something for snacks while Zoro was sitting on the chair, drinking sake. The two tried to ignore the trio as they went on about their business.

"Alright so I got hit once, Nami didn't get hit, Robin said she got hit once too...Sanji got hit twice. Oi Zoro! How many times did you get hit by Enel's lightning?" Usopp asked. The green haired swordsman drank some sake first before he shrugged at them in reply.

"I don't remember. Why do you want to know?" Sanji, who was listening to the conversation, turned his gaze to Zoro and raised an eyebrow.

"How pathetic can you get? You can't even remember how many times you got hit by lightning?"

"It's not something worth remembering so I don't see a reason why I should." Zoro countered. The trio frowned. Chopper looked at the two older crewmates in concern.

"Now what do we do? If Zoro can't remember then how do we know how many times he got hit?"

"I know! We can ask Nami or Robin if they remembered. I know Zoro got hit once, and since Nami and Robin were there when they fought Enel, they ought to know if he got hit before we met up with each other! Wait here while I ask them." Luffy and Chopper watched the long nosed sharpshooter leave the kitchen. While they waited Sanji got curious and turned his gaze to the two younger crewmembers.

"So what's the big deal about knowing how many times we all got hit by lightning?"

"You'll see." Luffy said with a large grin on his face. Usopp came back a few minutes later, successful in his mission.

"Yosh! So Robin didn't know if Zoro got hit since she was the first one to go down, but Nami told me Zoro got hit twice by Enel. So Zoro got hit three times at the very least. That means..." Luffy stood up from his chair and punched both fists in the air while shouting aloud.

"Zoro and Sanji are the biggest idiots in our crew!"

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Both men shouted. Sanji grabbed Luffy by the collar of his shirt and glared angrily. "What the hell Luffy? Explain yourself!"

"Well Usopp said that getting hit by Enel's lightning once means you're brave and strong. But getting hit more than once means you were dumb enough to get hit again." Sanji gritted his teeth, cutting the cigarette he was smoking in half. Zoro was already taking out one of his swords as he moved closer towards Usopp.

"You're a dead man..."

"The only reason I got hit the second time was to save your sorry ass you shitty bastard! How dare you call me an idiot!"

"W-w-wait a minute! It was Luffy's idea to count the lightning attacks! You should be getting angry at him! I didn't do anything I swear! Please don't kill me!" Usopp screamed as he turned and ran out of the kitchen. Sanji and Zoro followed suit.

"Get back here you coward!"

"I'll show you idiot!"

"Luffy! Save meeeee!" Unfortunately for Usopp his black haired captain was too busy laughing to save his long nosed friend.

* * *

**A/N: **Well that was fun! XD I was watching the end of Skypiea Arc when it occurred to me that almost everyone in the crew was hit by Enel's lightning. Then the Luffy, Usopp and Chopper voices in my head started talking and somehow they took control of this one-shot. You've got to give Zoro credit. I mean how would you feel if you got hit by lightning three times in one day?

Well now that that's over with, it's time I got back to my other stories. ^^ See you around!


End file.
